I am impressed by a superpower that many men seem to possess.
This power is not related to their physical strength, machoism, wealth, or status.
It is their ability to-
- Be good friends with other males despite disagreements and clashes
- Not read too much into another person’s behaviour and to take life at face value
I won’t say all men operate this way but a fairly good number of them do.
Neither will I say women are not like this because many of them are.
However, in my own circles, I have seen more men with ‘bindaas’ (carefree) attitudes, as compared to women. Here I speak only for myself and my observations.
It is not always easy for a woman (including me) to clash with another woman and to instantly feel like nothing ever happened! Many of us women tend to read a bit too much into situations and are also more likely to take another person’s negative behaviour to heart. More often than not, squabbles create at least a temporary distance between women. We may work through our emotions and eventually reconnect as friends. But it usually takes time.
When my husband shares stories of conflicts he has with friends or colleagues, I am, at times, more upset with his friends than he!
He is able to let go easily and can bond with a friend over coffee right after a tiff!
And when I ask, “How can you both enjoy coffee together after what happened? Didn’t it bother you at all? Don’t you need some time to process the incident before you interact with him again?” –
He shrugs and says, “No. What has that got to do with our equation as friends?”
I am mighty impressed by this easygoing attitude, for it doesn’t come naturally to me. I am trying to practise being this way for I know it can make life way easier.
Another example is in the area of invitations to social events and gatherings. More women I know are particular about receiving personal invites from hosts while many men seem to be ok with receiving an informal message as an invite or even with having another member of the family pass on the message.
Tones, choice of words, facial expressions of other people – I know more women who are bothered by these than men. Most men I know either don’t notice these details or even if they do, it just doesn’t feel like a big deal to them. There are positives and negatives to not noticing subtle cues, but here we are focusing only on the positive aspects of it – such as not draining our energy in the process of analysing others’ body language.
These are just observations of different ways of being and operating. No judgment on what is right or wrong. I completely accept myself as I am and encourage everyone to do the same. But, sometimes, learning new attitudes and ways of being from those around us can also help!