inner child

Healing Jealousy

A 30-year-old woman Diya (name changed) came to meet me.

She had done her Reiki Level 1 training with me some years back. But this time, she wanted a Reiki session.

She smiled and greeted me when she walked in. But underneath the smile, I sensed rapid breathing, clenched teeth, and a pool of raw emotions waiting for an outlet to burst forth.

We engaged in small talk for a minute or two, after which I asked her –

“So, how have you been?”

“Not good at all,” she blurted out spontaneously, “You won’t believe me if I tell you what I’m going through. In fact, I feel ashamed to even talk about it!”

She looked away after this and there was a long pause.

“At this moment Diya, just remember –  I am your therapist and I don’t judge you. It’s perfectly safe for you to express,” I said.

She then let her guard down and began narrating her story.

Diya was one of two siblings. Her elder sister Priya (name changed) held a high-profile job in the corporate world. Diya was a dance teacher and taught Indian classical dance.

Diya expressed that there had been constant comparisons between Priya and her right from the time that they were primary school goers. Priya’s core interest lay in academics while Diya’s passion lay in art, particularly dance.

While Priya was a class topper, Diya won several prizes for excellence in dance. However, their family valued Priya’s achievements more than Diya’s. Scoring cent percent in a math test was seen as far superior to any accolade Diya brought home.  As a result, Diya began to see herself as less intelligent than her sister and also less worthy.

Diya was often jealous of all the attention and appreciation Priya received. She loved Priya but also resented her silently.

Recently, at the age of 32, Priya received a promotion at work – she was made CEO of her company. Their parents, now in their sixties, were over the moon with pride and joy and hosted a grand lunch to celebrate her new milestone.

Diya didn’t feel like being a part of this get-together. She knew she wouldn’t feel good. But she didn’t wish to be a spoilsport and decided to go over. At the party, she felt unseen and unacknowledged, as always. To make matters worse, her old feelings of jealousy also crept in.  

And she said to me with tears in her eyes,

“Haripriya, I am 30 years old. Isn’t it terrible that I still feel jealous of my big sister? I think I’m horrible!”

At that point, all I wanted to do was give Diya a big hug. I didn’t think she was horrible at all.

I said to her, “Diya, can we do some EFT?” I asked.

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) is a great tool that helps to cope with even the most difficult of emotions and neutralise them.

We did a few rounds of EFT together, with the intention to address the jealousy she was feeling.

When the intensity of the jealousy dropped, I asked her to lie down and placed a rose quartz crystal in her palm. I told her to relax and began performing a Reiki session on her.

When my palms were over her throat, she asked me if she could place the rose quartz over her body. I gave her a go-ahead. She gently massaged her womb, heart, and solar plexus chakras with the rose quartz. As she did this, more tears streamed down her cheeks. After seven minutes or so, the tears stopped flowing and she placed the rose quartz by her side.

When she sat up after the Reiki session, I said to her, “Do you know where those feelings of jealousy stem from?”

She said immediately, “From my childhood.”

“Ok. So, who is feeling jealous?” I asked.

Diya looked confused.

“I guess it’s me,” she said.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

‘I’m confused,” she said, looking rather bewildered.

“Let’s assume for a second that you were acknowledged as much as Priya. Let’s say your parents didn’t believe Priya’s math test score deserved more appreciation than your brilliant dance performance. Let’s say you both were told that each of you was talented – just in different ways. Let’s say both of your accomplishments were acknowledged and celebrated equally. Would you still feel jealous of Priya?” I asked.

“No! In that case, I wouldn’t even have the belief that I wasn’t good enough,” said Priya and laughed.

“Exactly,” I said, “So, can you tell me now? Who is feeling jealous of Priya?”

“Is it my Inner Child?” she asked, still feeling unsure.

“Yes!” I said, “It’s not the adult Diya, it’s your wounded inner child.”

“Oh,” said Diya, looking somewhat relieved.

“We each have the essence of our child-self alive within us. When this child has been wounded in some way and the wound has not been healed, it can show up over and over again, even years later. The fact that you are an adult now doesn’t matter at all,” I said.

“As they grow up, some people are able to take charge of their lives and heal their wounds independently. Some people require assistance to heal. Some people are not even aware they carry such wounds. Some are aware but suppress them and pretend they don’t exist,” I went on.

“Phew!” said Diya, “I’m glad I’m aware now and I do wish to address them.”

“Inner Child healing requires extensive work Diya and we can discuss this after the session. But for now, can we have a quick conversation with your inner child and close this session? You are an adult now. Your adult self has the power to take charge of your life and heal your inner child,” I said.

“Certainly Haripriya,” said Diya.

I placed a soft toy in her arms to represent her inner child and guided Diya, the adult to say the following to Diya, the Child –

“Dear Diya, I am sorry you felt unseen, unheard, and unacknowledged for so many long years. I see you now – fully and completely. I see your strengths, talents, and intelligence. I acknowledge your chosen destiny and honour the path you have chosen to walk. I see the effort and passion with which you follow your heart’s calling. And all I wish to say is – great job, dear one! Be yourself for that is who you are meant to be. When you wish to make a difference in this world, you can do it best by being who you truly are. I love you with all my heart and I am here for you today and every day.”

Diya felt much better after this session. But this is just the beginning of her inner child healing journey. For most people, deep inner child healing can take months, if not years.

I wish her the best on this path toward greater wholeness and harmony!

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